How to Talk to Your Spouse Who Says You Work Too Much

Strong marriages and relationships require attention from both partners. This balance of attention to spouse versus earning a living or furthering your career can be difficult to find. And, once you have found a balance that works in your relationship, things change and you have to find the balance again.

Why do some people overwork? The Overworking Spouse may be under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive workers are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the other hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage. Of course, we should be involved in work that is worthwhile, fulfilling and financially rewarding but over focus can put the marriage at risk.

What can happen when you put your work/career first? Your spouse may be feeling emotionally disconnected from you and lonely. There may be a buildup of resentment which can lead to anger and finally bitterness-towards you. This situation often leads to unhappiness and discord for the entire family.

As a psychologist who has worked for 20 years counseling couples in my therapy practice in North St. Paul, MN, I met with Amy and Josh with just this complaint. Amy was complaining that she was overburdened because Josh worked too much and left her with the responsibilities of home, children, and her own 40-hour job. He knew she was right but he felt defensive when she tried to tell him how to manage his work schedule. He’d started complaining that when wasn’t very affectionate lately and always blamed her disinterest in their physical intimacy on fatigue. He asked to meet with me individually after Amy had had a session to talk about her “side”of the problem. He was appreciative that she was not as naggy as she had been in the past, but he still felt blamed and criticized.

When Josh and I met, we talked of the reasons that he was spending so much time at work. The usual reasons people overwork is that they are feeling under considerable stress on the job, or may have a boss that demands long hours. Or maybe there are layoffs coming up and the less productive works are the first to go. Maybe one partner has to work long hours just to support the family. On the hand, the overworking spouse may be strongly identifying with career advancement to the exclusion of the marriage.

Drs. John and Julie Gottman, in their book 10 Lessons to Transform Your Marriage, suggest the following questions:

1.What does your work mean to you?

2.What pleasure or satisfaction does work bring to you?

3.What need does working fulfill in your life?

4.Does your work related to some personal legacy you would like to contribute to the world?

In a discussion with Josh, he pointed out that he was trying to make headway in his career now, while he was still young and had the energy. He knew his wife was doing a good job parenting their two small children (3 years and 9 months) so he wanted to focus on earning good money for his family. At first, he couldn’t understand why Amy was complaining so much because he was doing all this work for her and their children. He felt it was his responsibility. He wanted to provide his children with a fund for their education.

I suggested he consider the questions listed above. He said that his work is very satisfying in that he felt very confident and capable at work. He also wanted to meet his father’s expectations who had had a successful career. His older two brothers had moved from job to job and he knew his father was disappointed that they had difficulty supporting their families.

It was important for Josh to understand the underlying reasons for his excessive hours at work. He did not have a demanding boss and he was in no threat of a layoff. He just wanted to do the right thing. He had not thought of himself as having value over and above that of a worker and wage earner. He resigned himself to have a discussion with Amy. He said he would try to listen carefully about what Amy was longing for when she complained to him. I suggested he try to imagine the experiences she wanted to have with him and not to focus on her criticisms.

When Amy and Josh came for the next couple’s session, they wanted to further discuss the overworking situation. (They no longer saw the problem as residing inside one of them but as a problem the two of them need to figure out.) Any was able to explain to him what she missed when he work so much. He came to get a sense that his contribution to their family was not solely a financial responsibility. He heard her tell him he was also loved, appreciated, and needed as a friend, confidant and co-parent. She especially enjoyed his easy humor with their children and felt he was the only one who would be able to provide that.

This was a difficult issue for this couple and it was not resolved quickly. They were able to discuss their needs and wants in a different way when they addressed the questions about the underlying reasons for their positions.

Tips For Weight Loss Reexamined

When you hear the word weight loss, the images you conjure up are giving up on food, skipping one meal in a day and trying to bury your hunger in whatever manner you can.

No longer are these true as a means of going for that weight loss you so desire. A lot of things have been redefined and re-examined in the weight loss arena and a lot of old theories of dieting and controlling your hunger are no longer valid. Come to think of these, a lot of these have been even dismissed by medical specialists as dangerous and unhealthy.

So what are your options if you want to lose weight? Well, if you have heard about stories of actresses going on a crash course diet and getting thin in ten days then you have only heard about one side of the story. There are stories which are not told that these actresses suffer from numerous health related issues because of their dieting binge or because of the rapid loss of weight. So better be careful if you are going to pursue weight loss that way.

Do not despairs as there are unhealthy and more meaningful ways of losing weight which will not take you down the unhealthy path. These tips for weight loss will help you lose weight in a manner which is also medically viable and can be sustained by the body. But the fact of the matter that the inner motivation still has to come from you.

The first foremost tip for weight loss is that you should drink lots of water. Drink eight to ten glasses of water everyday. This helps in two ways first you lose excess toxins from the body and secondly your metabolism rate go high. As a corollary to that since you have had so much water you will not be hungry as much as you were earlier. This should be your number one fad diet if you are a aficionado of fad diets that come and go every year.

The second tip is a combined tip of exercise and discipline. Exercise regularly and exercise smart. Never ever give up. They say a habit is formed in 21 days and that means for the first 21 days you should attend to be disciplined and will exercise regularly. After 21 days it will become your habit and then you should strive for more and more strenuous exercises each day. If you have issues going to the gym try using home based equipment like Wii Fit or Yoga at home or cycling at home for doing some exercises at home. Increase the difficulty levels and you will see weight loss happening.

Hopefully these tips will help you reduce significant quantity amount over a period of time. Remember there is no magic formula.

The State Of Paralegal Employment In The United States

In 2004, Paralegal jobs and legal assistant’s jobs amounted to about 224,000 positions in all sectors of the economy of the United States. 84% of these had Paralegal qualifications above both Associate’s and Bachelor’s Degree, with about 10% Paralegals who had higher degrees leaving only about 6% Paralegals who have been trained on the job and working without formal Paralegal education.

As was in the beginning, private law firms controlled the lion share of employing about 70% of all working Paralegals then; today, according to present day employment statistics, this number has fallen as the Paralegal profession continues to expand into deferent fields of human endeavor. Many paralegals and legal assistants these days work for corporate legal departments and various levels of government agencies and None governmental organizations..

The U.S. Department of Justice is the largest employer of Paralegal within the Federal Government, followed by the Social Security Administration and the U.S. Department of the Treasury. State governments and Counties are also increasingly employing Paralegals to help make legal services available to the common man on the street.

More Paralegals are setting up private Paralegal offices in states where the law provides such privileges and work as freelance legal assistants, contracting their services to attorneys or corporate legal departments.

It is hoped that in the nearest future the Paralegal profession would be robust enough to receive country wide approval for Paralegals to practice freely providing legal assistance to all and sundry according to the law. This will be a step in the right direction considering that in the United Kingdom, Solicitors play the same roles as registered legal practitioners.

Technical Writing – How to Write Project Justification Documents

As part of building the overall project scope a technical author will first need to lay out the justification documentation. This document which can also be considered a “business case” lays out the fundamental reasons for implementing the project. Here’s a simple guide on creating a project justification.

State the Problem

Businesses don’t carry out projects for fun; they perform them in order to solve a specific issue or issues. You need to describe the problem clearly and accurately at the start of your document so that you can then present the solution to that problem.

For example if you intend to implement a new HRMS (Human Resource Management System) your problem may be; “The HR team currently spends nearly 80% of its time on non-productive administrative tasks, reducing the effectiveness of the function dramatically.”

State the Solution

This should be a simple statement to define your project. This enables your reader to understand what it is you’re proposing.

“We intend to implement an automated HRMS system to reduce manual administration by half.”

Supply Supporting Information

The problem and solution aren’t going to justify your project to the stakeholders and decision makers, so you need to provide the right level of information to enable them to support your recommendation.

Examples of the kind of information you should use:

  • Market Demand – Not always the strongest argument, but if you can show that all your competitors are implementing similar systems, it certainly suggests that it may be worth considering in your organisation.
  • Business Need – In this example the business need is clear, the HR team are spending the majority of their work time on non-specialist tasks and that costs money.
  • Customer Demands - what is it that your customers are screaming out for? Don’t forget to include internal customers as well as external ones.
  • Technological Progression – what’s going on in the world around you, is there are compelling case to be told in terms of the way IT and systems are developing?
  • Legal – Don’t forget the all important obligation to the law, if you can show that your project brings compliance or makes it easier to comply with those requirements you have a stronger case.

Writing a business case or project justification is an essential part of the larger project scoping process. Ideally you should write this early in the lifecycle of your project to help you obtain funding and support. You will also then be able to clearly identify the objectives of your task so that team members have a clear message to take away.